God

God

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i cannot	[Feb. 12th, 2007\|11:32 pm]
explain men. everyone says women are more complex...but are we? REALLY? I've had so many dudes in my past that i just didn't know what to make of. Why does me showing interest in you make me less attractive, men? And sometimes i think it's the same both ways, but i swear it's always the guys i DON'T LIKE that show interest.. or maybe i don't like them BECAUSE they show interest? naw, that can't be it. I'm thinking of a four letter word... why won't he just fucking call me, eh? oh he'll probably text me by the end of the week, but come on. How is it less awkward to fuck someone than to conversate with them? And how come i only question MYSELF when it comes to dudes?
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i...am...jewish...	[Dec. 15th, 2006\|11:58 pm]
On the twelfth day of Christmas, brynathyn sent to me... Twelve records thinking Eleven simpsons writing Ten cunnalingus a-cuddling Nine books acting Eight transvestites a-sleeping Seven costumes a-trainspotting Six rabbits eating Five di-i-i-irty pillows Four text messages Three horror movies Two my friends ...and a hitler in an american beauty. Get your own Twelve Days:
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WHOA! she's back?

[Dec. 1st, 2006|09:34 am]

[

mood

sick

]

nah. just feeling nostalgic. or not. i don't know. i feel like all of this, the myspacing and the livejournaling, is such a huge cry for help. my sister will post bulletins on meatspace saying "im so sad, love me." i don't even want to write this because i really lack the motivation. my stupid fucking boyfriend left in a huff this morning. i told him i don't want him on my computer last night because there are certain things in my search engines i just wouldn't want him to see, because he judges me.

so i tell him to get off my computer (he's already started looking through my bookmarks) and he freaks out, assuming i'm hiding "pictures" or "a list of guys you've fucked". is it so ridiculous to think that maybe i have things in my life i'd rather not broadcast that DON'T show what a gigantic slut i am?

he's so insecure that he always thinks i'm cheating on him. he doesn't believe a word that comes out of my mouth and is always insinuating and making me feel small. small and stupid. like a fucking infant. asking me loaded questions that would make even the thick skinned uncomfortable.

the fact is: in the (nearly) 6 months we've been together, despite one week of us being broken up and one week of him in "england" i've never fucked anyone else. in the 6 months (almost) we've been going out. i kissed two other boys. something i'm not necessarilly proud of, but not ashamed either. i needed to see if i "felt" anything when i kissed someone else, but i didn't.

maybe it's because i've been kissing the wrong boy all along. it really feels so ridiculously terrible to feel such longing for someone, and feel like you're only barely connected to them by a thin string of memory. wondering if he thinks about me, trying to get myself to stop thinking about him. distracting myself. we only dated for about 5 months, and i just dreamed of him for the rest of it. and fought for him. and gave to him. and thought of him. and what did he give to me? i'm still waiting to find out. still waiting to see if he'll give me anything besides this longing and sick feeling in the pit of my stomach whenever i lie next to someone else and think "what the fuck am i doing?"

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HELLO OUT THERE	[Jun. 29th, 2005\|04:09 pm]
If you're reading this, you're invited to my bbq. you lucky fuckers.
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i wonder...

[Jun. 18th, 2005|11:17 am]

[

mood

contemplative

]

did you get it?

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man, i get so muthafuckin bored

[May. 30th, 2005|10:08 pm]

[

mood

masturbatory

]

laureng331 [10:05 PM]: so what r u up to?
GrlSct221 [10:06 PM]: nothinnnn
GrlSct221 [10:06 PM]: being bored,. too
laureng331 [10:06 PM]: what to do what to do
GrlSct221 [10:07 PM]: masturbate
GrlSct221 [10:07 PM]: hahahahahahah
laureng331 [10:07 PM]: hehe
laureng331 [10:07 PM]: but probably
GrlSct221 [10:08 PM]: yeah
GrlSct221 [10:08 PM]: its what i do when im bored
laureng331 [10:08 PM]: me to
GrlSct221 [10:08 PM]: its like "comedy central...masturbaiton...comedy central...masturbation"
GrlSct221 [10:08 PM]: too many choices
laureng331 [10:08 PM]: hehehe
GrlSct221 [10:08 PM]: so i just end up masturbating while watching comedy central
laureng331 [10:08 PM]: me it is law and order...masturbation....law and order....masturbation

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an interesting type of saturday.	[May. 29th, 2005\|11:17 am]
I went to shabbat lunch yesterday. i met elizabeth's brother. i have a date with himtonight. i don't know how old he is. for some reason when guys are over 30, they don't like to tell me exactly how old they are. andrew came home yesterday. i feel so stupid. i feellike ive wasted so much time. yet, i feel any guy i'd be with would justbe a replacement. why doesn't that shit from eternal sunshine really exist when I need it? celebrated memorial day yesterday w. sugi cuz she has to work on monday. we got some versailles, some chip 'n dip, some brownies & a tasty tropical drink, tho i didn;t get drunk....AGAIN. i think maybe i have an immunity to alcohol. we watched the 5th element. when it was time for me to go home, sugi was a little saucy, so she donated 3 bucks to the get bryn a cab fund. then, i got THE MOST RETARDED BEVERLY HILLS CAB DRIVER EVER. i told him where my house was and he went like, the exact opposite way. we needed to go left, he went right. we finally got to wilshire asnd i was like"you can take wilshire all the way up" because it pretty much goes right to my house, and he TURNED THE WRONG WAY. then we get to my house, and i have him park in front of my neighbor's house because i wasn't supposed to even be with sugiko, let aloen take a cab from her house. i was 2 dollars short. i told him on the way there i wasn't gonan have enough money and hes like "it's not my money it's the company's" when i got out of the car, i owed him 9.10 and i only had 7. so i went into the house to look for money and the fucking idiot backs up so he;s in front of my house. i try to motion for him to go back to where i left him but he was too stupod. i opened the door with "fucking idiot" under my breath. i dont want to rents to know that i took a cab so i go into my sister's room. she's half asleep, but she owes me 5 dollars. i'm like "jamie...jamie...JAMIE! wake up. i need two dollars" "for what" "for a cab" "i can't find my purse i'll give it to you in the morning" she obviously didn't understand the situation so i''m all frustrated like "I ALREADY TOOK THE FUCKING CAB I JUST NEED TWO DOLLARS TO GIVE TO THE ASSHOLE" then my mom hears me and comes in and is like "whats wrong" and i was like "nothing just leave me alone" so i go into my room and scrounge up 2 dollars in quarters. i say to the guy "if i ever get a cab again,please don't come" hes like "i hope you never order a cab again" he counts the money "what is this? you owe me 10.30" i'm like "what the fuck?! i owed you 9 dollars" he goes "i had to wait for you. what if i was waiting two hours, you expect me not to charge anything?" i'm like "YOU WENT THE WRONG WAY" fucking cab driver who doesn't know how to get anywhere. ahh. then he said something about how i told him the way to go, so it wasn't the wrong way, blah blah blah. he revved the engine so i just walked away, very pissed. besides being nearly raped by a bh cab driver and having a mentally challenged bh cab driver, i'm not very pleased. i should call and say something. going out to breakfast now..in fact, i should already be dressed. oops.
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inglewooooooooooooooood	[May. 24th, 2005\|10:31 am]
GrlSct221 [10:29 AM]: hi laureng331 [10:30 AM]: hi laureng331 [10:30 AM]: r u talking from ur jail cell GrlSct221 [10:31 AM]: yep GrlSct221 [10:31 AM]: we have wireless internet in here went to court. my life is gonan be different from now on.
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well...what do you think?????	[May. 23rd, 2005\|02:57 am]
GrlSct221 [2:56 AM]: asians r jus crazy like that Leighton86 [2:56 AM]: i wonder what someone would think to just read that one line from our conversation
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(no subject)	[May. 21st, 2005\|01:52 pm]
GrlSct221 [1:50 PM]: "are you drunk?" GrlSct221 [1:50 PM]: "i dont know officer, i'm too stoned to tell" AGPRETEND [1:51 PM]: I use that line all the time. And I say, if I were drunk instead of stoned I wouldn't be able to shoot my concealed weapon very well. they love that
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(no subject)

[May. 17th, 2005|10:02 pm]

[	mood	\|	good	]
[	music	\|	church in bathroom singing to dave chappelle	]

-woke up at 8 to go to work at 9
-got a call at 8:30, she asked me to come at 3
-hung up
-called back again, asked if actually i could come in at 2
-left, horse whisperer was on
-went to work
-chilled at sugis for 20 mins
- TOP MODEL
-dad picked me up
-picked up photos
-came back, horse whisperer was STILL ON

oh, and i just had a revelation:

the only reason porn on cable has a plot line is so when people press the "info" button, they feel justified in watching it because it sais "Adult entertainment: a murder mystery which is linked to call girls..." as opposed to "porn: girls fucking"

dave chappelle now.

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(no subject)

[May. 16th, 2005|11:45 pm]

[	mood	\|	exhausted	]
[	music	\|	friday the 13th	]

didn't get to sleep until 6:30 this morning. holes is that good of a movie. i need to finish eternal sunshine of the spotless mind. went to the beach today w/ sugs to maly boo. went to this little tidepool area and went on rocks and thru little cakes. we got to this awesome seculded spot where we were just surrounded by rocks and water. we went in a little closer, but we had to beat the tide and get out of there. walked back to the car tripping out on the shoe prints i'd left on the way there. wne to kfc where this weird ass 60 year old white guy named les or something worked there. he gave me my food and i waited therefor e ahiel while he rung up anohter customer. i was like "uh, i still need to pay" and he goes "oh yeah" i whisper to sugi thathe wouldnt have even noticed and he gave me a dirty look. we went to chris's dad's house but the creepy cleaning lady was there. we went to westwood to hookah it up and then played some arcade.

oh yeah....

CHARLIE PICKED SARAH!!!!!!

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(no subject)

[May. 15th, 2005|10:53 pm]

[	mood	\|	tired	]
[	music	\|	teevee	]

i was just watching fox 11 news and i SWEAR the woman said "fucks 11 news"

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Deperate housewives?

[May. 13th, 2005|04:23 pm]

[

mood

calm

]

I have 3 messages on my answering machine. They are all from middle aged women. What does that say about me?

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And here's the meaning of life:	[May. 12th, 2005\|06:05 pm]
Well, it's nothing very special. Try and be nice to people, avoid eating fat, read a good book every now and then, get some walking in and try to live together in peace and harmony with people of all creeds and nations and finally: here are some completely gratuitous pictures of penises. how come whenever i try to make my room clean is just gets messier and messier?
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(no subject)

[May. 9th, 2005|03:11 pm]

[

mood

depressed

]

im just so unhappy. i live in the past. i want that year back, the year that i missed when i was gone. it sounds ridiculous but i want it. so much could have happened. when i talked to andrew when i was at island view he gave me the impression that him and i still have a chance. his girlfriend contacted me over myspace. she was really sweet i guess, but kept dropping subtle hints to fuck off "well, you were a big part of andrew's life" WERE. she talks to him there. his mother calls her all the time. that could have been me. i love him so much. i just can't picture myself loving anyone else. i feel like a psycho, like i'm not part of his life and i just need to leave it alone. i wish he had just said "bryn, we can't be together, move on" something. not something that would lead me to believe we could be together, because right now i'm all fucked up in my head. my room's a mess. i don't have a job and don't really want one. my mom won't drive me to fucking RITE AIDE let alone anywhere else. all she doesn is bitch to me all day. i dont't know. i just don't want to be at this point in my life right now. as amy put it, it's my quarter life crisis.

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(no subject)	[May. 8th, 2005\|04:04 pm]
i'm so discontent with everything in my life right now.
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(no subject)	[May. 7th, 2005\|03:56 pm]
GrlSct221 [3:53 PM]: som,e french guy came into pavillions. GrlSct221 [3:53 PM]: thats the end of the story
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(no subject)

[May. 2nd, 2005|10:32 pm]

[

mood

tired

]

missioned it over to sugi's. watched cops & the beginning of the movie bongwater. went to griffith park. saw some crazy ass tadpoles and some baby frogs. there was some crazy ass harmonica playing guy somewhere high atop the mountain. he was playing some crazy country jam and as we got closer we heard him say "her majesty, the queen!" and do some little royal type diddy. walked arounf beverlywood for about 2 seconds. oh, nature.

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